Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
As we continue our series on covenantal fatherhood, I want to offer some examples of my own experience of being raised by a father whose life taught me to honor the Lord our God. Over the next few weeks, I will offer an overview of some of the prominent lessons that have been deeply rooted in me through the life and ministry of my earthly father. These truths are not distinct, standalone issues. Each one informs the others in such a way that they coalesce to form a comprehensive portrait of godly living. For example, true servanthood is informed by humility and a commitment to Scripture. On the other hand, true humility will make one a servant in obedience to Scripture. Then again, we could say that submission to Scripture promotes humble service. Though the lessons are interrelated, we will consider these lessons I have learned as various topics.
An important lesson I learned from my earthly father is to invest time in your children. Children are both a blessing and a responsibility. Well raised children will be their father’s allies (cf. Psalm 127:5). However, this blessing does not come without proper training. Fathers have a responsibility to raise them in the instruction and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). This takes time. It also requires the development of a relationship with your children. The passage in Deuteronomy assumes your children will be with you through the daily cycles of life. They must be with you for you to instruct them in God’s Word throughout the day-to-day activities of this life. Many parents tend to set their children aside while they pursue their own agendas. You can’t very well raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord if they’re not involved with your life.
This is an important lesson I experienced in my formative years. During my childhood there were large blocks of time when my father couldn’t spend a lot of time with us. I remember when I was 10 my father preached at a church in San Antonio for over a month. Long distance phone calls were expensive. We were only able to talk with him a couple of times. There were also extended periods of time when my father worked a fulltime job and a part time job. There was even a brief time when he worked two fulltime jobs. Despite such time demands, I grew up having a close relationship with him. How did that happen? Where did he get the time? Quite simply, he didn’t take time for himself. When he washome, he was accessible. He would listen to us. He would give us his attention. He never withdrew. He invested himself in his family. Many of my friends had fathers who were around their house much more but you would never know it. They would come home, change clothes, and head straight to their workshop. They would come in for dinner and then head right back out. They would spend their whole evening this way, night after night. Others would come home, open a can of beer, and sit in front of the television all night. When these same friends spent the night at my house, they would sometimes disappear from my room. I would go looking for them and find them in the living room talking to my father. They were drawn to the kind of relationship they didn’t have with their fathers.
My parents rarely left us with someone else. My father was active in the ministry from the time I was 4 years old. Most of the time, we were right there with him. This was a family affair. We were all a part of his ministry. And that provided ample opportunity for instruction. It was a Deuteronomy 6 lifestyle. We were involved in that with which he was involved. It was good for us. I’m convinced that our children need much less time to focus on themselves. Today, we have soccer and school clubs, recitals and competitions. I’ve talked with parents whose lives are consumed with getting their children to the next activity. They’re not training their children, their children are training them. With modern technology added to the mix we have children that are over stimulated. That way of life produces selfish, egocentric children. I am not suggesting that some participation in such activities would not be beneficial. There is a balance. However, those kinds of activities are optional. They are not nearly as important as engaging your children in the ministry of your home, whatever that might be. Your time with them would be better spent making them a significant part of the responsibilities of the home than indulging their complaints of boredom.
My father not only invested time with me, he advised me to do so with my children. I was young and zealous. I thought being spiritual was working in the ministry 18 hours a day. But after my oldest son was born, my father told me to enjoy my time with him. It is too easy to get distracted. He said, “Don’t miss out on your opportunities. Your time with your children only comes once.” I thank the Lord that I respected my father enough to listen.
For a time, I struggled to find a proper balance. However, when our daughter Katy was born with congenital heart disease, I suddenly found it much easier to reorder my priorities. The Lord used this to help me realize that a big part of a man’s ministry is to his family. I am thankful to the Lord for my wife who was helpful in this respect. I am glad my father gave me that instruction and that God granted me the grace to listen.
Children are a heritage of the Lord. They deserve the investment of our time that we might raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
In our next post, I will share the lesson my father taught me on the importance of corporate worship.
